Our Deepest Fears

Last night I was going to end my day frustrated and discouraged by my "reality". Then, I decided that even if I cannot have all that I dream , I do have the power to change the way it makes me feel. Last week, a friend told me that the reason I am not heading in the direction I want my life to go is because I was too afraid, hiding behind my "reality". At the moment, I brushed these wise words off, too afraid to let them seep in, then I would actually have to acknowledge the truth. Last night I decided to allow myself to be honest, at least with myself. I am not ready to share what I discovered, still too afraid. However, I leave you with this quote, one of my favorites. Allow it to guide you wherever it may.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Marianne Williamson

Is it possible to have it all?

I just finished having a very insightful conversation with my significant other about my thoughts, goals and dreams for my life. It was insightful because his honest, "realistic" take on life has brought me crashing down back to earth. Don't you just hate it when someone wipes out your dreams in seconds? With one word, one look it was gone. I wanted to scream, cry, jump up and down (yes, I can still do that!?) and tell him he was wrong!! I CAN have it all. I can make all my dreams come true and still find balance and peace. I can. Right???

The answer is ...I don't know anymore. Actually, I do know. I know that I am not super human, without physical limits. I also know that I am stubborn and determined and I hate it when someone tells me I can't.

This conversation also made me realize that two people that love each other don't always grow in the same direction.

Happy New Day!

Somehow, a new year always seems to offer an opportunity for reflection and change. This new year is a little different because I've been trying to celebrate "happy new day" all year. I've been feeling a little philosphical lately, who I'm I kidding, I've been feeling philosphical since I was 5 years old listening to sad italien songs on my 8 track player. Anywhow, time for change and reflection began a while ago, but this year it has become even more personal. This is the year I turn 40!! That's right, the big 40. I am so excited about the possibilities and grateful to be feeling healthy and full of life. I plan on taking care the gifts I've been given. I feel great about the year ahead and I can't wait to share it with you. HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Another Year, Another Blog

I find myself sitting across this screen wondering where the time has gone. It seems that minutes, hours can pass by so slowly and then suddenly a whole year has gone by. I had so many plans this year, so many promises made to myself. I went to bed many times saying to myself " Tomorrow is THE day!" I woke up the next morning and said." THIS is THE day..." Then I got up, and suddenly all of those good, solid intentions, shot right out the dirty window in my room!

This year however, was different! It was different because I never stopped trying to get it done. I never gave up on my promises to me. That's a start , right?

Well, year one of the blog is almost over, but my intentions to live the life I know I am meant to have are still there, waiting..

Where Have I Been?

Well, it has been a long time since my last entry. I really thought that keeping this blog would be a simple thing to do...once again I was wrong! Maybe it is just my poor handling of the junk that life throws at me. Maybe the blog is easy to keep up but I can't seem to make time for the things that matter to me, that are good for me, like this blog.

The good news is that I have kept up, at least tried to keep up with my new exercise regime! I am consistly walking 10 km a week or more !! Yahoo for me!!

I am really trying hard to congratulate myself for the things that I do and not to be so harsh about the things that don't get done. Know what I mean?

Must be off now! There is some car pooling, grocery shopping and other life things to tend to.

I wanted to just check in and let you all know that I haven't given up on this blog or on myself!!

Remembering Who I Was, Who I Am!

I spent this last week in a sort of eye opening time warp. I had the opportunity to spend some meaningful time with my best highschool pals. The first thing that I realized was just how easy it was to just be together. Without skipping a beat, we were reminiscing, laughing, hugging each other. It was .. it is like, we could just be ourselves, real, unjaded. I found myself shedding the armour that I sometimes hide behind. The amazing thing is that these friendships, the old and true seem to make it possible to be ourselves, pure, with the added benefits of having accumalated some life experiences. What a gift it is to be able to remember who you were before life got complicated. Well, I like that girl. The one with the dreams and insatiable thirst for life. I was fearless and curious ( can be a dangerous combination when under the influence) but man, did I have fun!!!

I have no regrets, my life today is beautiful and full of blessings. I am grateful. What I would regret, would be to not allow this week's experiences to remind me of what I can be.

Thank you my precious friends for being so easy to be with. In your eyes I see a reflection of me that ROCKS!!!!!!!!

Peace.

A question of Balance

The first two months of this year have really taught me the importance of balance in my life. What it taught me is that I didn't have any. I got swallowed up by this new schedule and this new job. I have become exhausted. I realized that I have been equally dividing my time between being at work, keeping up with the domesticities (I think I just made that word up) of life and sleep. Not freakin' good enough. Not the plan. Time to refocus. Hence, the change of look on the blog (I hope you don't mind Sab!)

So, here's what I'm thinking. I will divide up my work day into manageable segments. Based on the fact that I truly believe that in my month at this new post I have been doing a kick-ass job, I am not worried about getting canned. Then again, getting canned would mean a less stressful job at say Pier One or something which has merit all on its own. Next, the creative part needs some more devotion as well as a little getting in shape. Baby steps, people.

On a side note, I can't believe how pretty the snow looks this morning. Light and fluffy. A reminder that cocooning is good. It should be a break from the hustle of summer. Again, nature's balance.

Yes, today will be a little easier. Another cup of coffee before I start with everything else. I'll stop and pick up some wine to go with the pizza delivery for tonight and the bare minimum of cleaning up. The weekend is here and I'm tired of being tired. Time to get my Chi into balance.