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Saturday, January 23, 2010

Things on my List...check!

Okay, so one of the reasons we started this blog was to document the steps we are taking toward the life we really should be LIVING! All this began with a list, the oh so famous list. I am looking at my list and I want to work on really checking off as many "to do's" as I can. So here goes:
Try camping ,check ( loved it..want to do it again) blog ( check) start exercising regularly( does 1 straight week count?) check, get a tatoo ( a WHAT???) check, take up yoga seriously ( signed up for March classes) check!! Okay what's next? Certain items have been ruled off as I know that they are really out of reach ( I finally had to come to grips with the fact that Johnny Depp would never accept my marriage proposal) Let me check my list and I will get back to you. For now...I keep on LIVING!!

Thursday, January 21, 2010


After speaking to some good friends and doing some of my own research, I have been informed, that in order to change the direction of your life, you must JUST DO IT! ( hey NIKE really had something there!) I have journals filled with plans and ideas. I have read many self help books that provided me with more plans and more ideas of how I can take the steps needed to change my life and finally get going in the direction I feel I should be heading. Well, I had to finally admit that if I spent as much time exercising and preparing healthy meals as I do researching, reading and planning I would be giving Linsay Lohan a run for her anorexic body. So with that, I am proud to say that I have just finished my second 20 min walk of the week and only gave in once to my Cherry Blossom obsession and it was worth every bite. No regrets!

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Walk to the Edge and .....FLY!!

"Live with intention.
Walk to the edge.
Listen Hard.
Practice wellness.
Play with abandon.
Choose with no regret.
Appreciate your friends.
Continue to learn.
Do what you love.
Live as if this is all there is."

-Mary-Anne Radmacher

Looking Through my Daughter's Eyes

Sometimes a reflection in the mirror will awaken the real girl inside, sometimes it is the vision of someone you love more than yourself that will remind you of what you were always meant to be. My beautiful daughter has just turned sixteen, sixteen!! Wow! She is so beautiful in everyway. Most importantly, her eyes are filled with the excitment for life, for all the possibilities that lay ahead. I remember when I felt that way. Don't you remember how we felt at sixteen? Ahh, the possibilities! I am so aware and careful with the words or actions I share with my daughter. I want to allow her to grow into all those possibilities. I am so afraid sometimes that what I say or do will leave her with any fear of living. Dream my sweet daughter, dream big!! And so with that I am reminded of that sixteen year old inside me, screaming to be heard " Remember how fearless you were. remember all the dreams you had?" For the first time in a very long time, I answer, " I hear you. Are you ready? Let's do it!"

Friday, January 15, 2010

The Unbearable Lightness of Being...(I hated that book!)

Well, here I was typing away about my time off after ending my billing position two days ago. I was doing quite well, actually, pondering the end of the old grind and routine, yadda yadda, new position means new opportunity, blah blah blah and the something happened...I looked over to my right and saw myself in the full length mirror. "What the hell?? Who is that woman looking at me? That couldn't possibly be me, right??"

Oh, but alas, it is soooo me. Now, sure, the extra ten pounds caught my attention. I did the old squeeze and tuck of my muffin-top and tried to tell myself that it wasn't so bad. Trouble is, I didn't believe it for a second. So I really started to wonder why I stopped moving. Why did I stop kickboxing? Why was the gym not exciting enough? Why not take up yoga? Why do I choose to eat and savour food like I've been on Survivor for 39 days and didn't win any of the food rewards? In a attempt to be brutally honest, I fessed up. The reason I stopped leaving the house for any type of strenuous activity was simple. I did not want everything in my day to be hard. In the past year I treaded water everyday. The job became a real grind, my son's brush with serious illness through me for a loop, the restaurant struggled and my husband struggled along with it. It was constant and relentless. I retreated into myself and evenings at home soothed me. I escaped from the Chinese Water Torture that was my day job, made supper, cleaned up, poured myself a glass of Porto and for all intents and purposes left my body. I call it "Voluntary Disassociation" and I am a master at it. Mentally, well, it probably saved me from months of therapy. Physically, however, I became gelatinous. Move over Bill Cosby. I am now the official spokesperson for Jell-O. And, no offence Bill but Jell-O ain't sexy.

So here I am. I've said it out loud. I need to find that girl in my photo album with all the stitches in her face, bruises on her legs and dirt in her hair. She was FEARLESS. She was light. She was unstoppable and I loved her. I miss her. I want to find her again and tell her it's alright to come into the light. I will take her by the hand and we will smile that mischievous smile together and I will love it.

So I will keep you posted, my friends, on how this all goes down. Bit by bit, little by little I will introduce you to someone I have not seen in years: a "lighter" version of me!

Monday, January 11, 2010


AHA!!! I have figured it out!! Now who says I am not determined?
Mi!! This is it !
The ultimate written adventure. Thank you "my precious friend, my most precious friend" for the opportunity to do this with you. As always, you are there.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Scratch it off the list!

Well, ladies, here it is! I have begun the blog to end all blogs! With the help of my coauthor Sabrina, I hope to bring a new dimension to my dementia. My New Year's Resolution was to devote 2010 to moi and voila! the blog we said we would start not six months ago. So "Happy New Year" everyone. For better or worse, here I come!